Totts Magazine Editor, Amy with sons, Zachary and Caleb
My husband swept me off me feet during the first Valentine’s Day we shared 11 years ago, and during the first few years of our marriage, he always made an effort to plan something special, knowing that it was important to me. But after we became parents, I noticed that Valentine’s Day no longer seemed as important. I remember that my first year as a mom, we didn’t do anything on Feb. 14 because of our conflicting work schedules. I was mildly disappointed, but thought that since we were now parents, our marriage would likely take a backseat to our kids from that point on.
Thank God I came to my senses and realized that one of the most important things I could do for my children was to love their father and commit myself wholeheartedly to our marriage.
Once we become parents, our priorities are naturally going to shift. But I think that too often, the needs and desires of our children become all-encompassing, and our spouse is inadvertently shoved to the bottom of the to-do list. As mothers, we tend to play the martyr, convincing ourselves that we can’t afford a babysitter, shouldn’t leave the kids for an evening because we don’t see them enough, or that “date night” is only for newlyweds.
I firmly believe that one of the best gifts we can give our children is a mommy and daddy who enjoy one another’s company. Admittedly, I tend to fall short in the romance department, but luckily, my husband makes sure that every so often, we have an evening to ourselves. If the kids start whining about wanting to go, we explain that it’s important for parents to take time for themselves so that they can remember why they wanted to have children together in the first place. And there is a lot to be said for a meal during which you are not required to cut anyone’s food.
Since becoming a mom, I no longer look forward to Valentine’s Day with the anticipation I once did. Elaborate gifts and over-priced dinners in crowded restaurants don’t hold the same appeal. It’s not because I think we don’t need a romantic evening out, but it’s just as easy to do it on a night when dinners don’t cost twice as much and babysitters are impossible to come by.
Regardless of whether you have big plans or no plans for Feb. 14, make time amidst the day-to-day chaos of life as a parent to show your spouse that he or she is the most important person in your world. Someday, your children will thank you for it.
Amy D. Fienen
Totts Editor-in-Chief
